What a week.
What a month.
What a year(s).
Like most of you I am in a state of shock and frustration
over a great many things. Roe v Wade, Shootings, all of it.
Today, I had to get brutally honest with myself.
I was thinking hard about where I am at
and realized I have been
slowly coasting
downward
for the past few years.
It started as a slight decline.
Something small and not noteworthy.
But, now that I am at the bottom,
staring upwards,
I can see that,
over time,
it has steadily
brought me
deeper and deeper.
Further and further away.
This thing that has
slowly pulled me downward,
had a name.
It is a word.
A feeling.
An energy.
It was…
apathy.
At first I thought I was
just being chill.
Relaxed.
Uruguayan (My dad is Uruguayan. We love to chill).
It was something that started out small
but then
over the course of covid,
seemed to incrementally increase.
Sneakily.
Steathily.
What is the energy of
apathy?
It is defined as lack of interest or concern: INDIFFERENCE
Apathy is different from chill.
It is different from intentional relaxation.
There is a numbness to it.
A feeling of helplessness and despair.
It sucks away our energy
and
our momentum.
Last night, Jason and I tried to record a
Summer Solstice Sound Bath
for our new three month seasonal pass on the membership.
We were super pumped to kick start this new offering
where folks can just sign up for a season of sound healing,
just three months rather than a subscription.
We meditated on Manipura,
the third chakra,
ruled by the sun.
Manipura translates
to city of jewels.
When Manipura is in balance,
it gives us confidence,
momentum, energy, inspiration,
everything we need to
live out a high vibe, aligned, authentic life.
When the city of jewels,
is hit by the light of the sun,
it shines without effort.
It radiates.
Passively.
That was the word we focused on,
radiance.
An image of sun rays came to mind,
the kind you see through slots of old wood
like an old barn.
That moment when the dust specks
float together
in a stream of golden
to create something magical.
Then we recorded.
It was not what we expected.
Didn't feel right. It was too pushy. Too angry.
We tried again.
Still too intense.
We tried a third time with different gongs.
Still not right.
If we didn't give a flying turd,
we would just pump it into the library.
Right?
It would be easy to do. Who would know?
But, this is a healing platform.
Period.
Which means the intention and sound must match.
This high standard means
hours and hours of recording
never make it into the platform.
If what I play doesn’t connect with the intention,
unlike a live show,
we have the ability to try again,
so we do.
We realized today,
that something was blocking the sun.
Literally.
We could not get the Sun Gong to play.
We left the recording session
feeling irritated
and grumpy.
This morning, we woke up and realized
what the block was...
both of us
have been feeling
a sense of apathy.
Our energy has
been
collapsing.
We thought we were just being chill,
but we were both
actually feeling
mildly depressed.
And this apathy and low level depression
led to an overcast sort of atmosphere.
Both of us are feeling cloudy and dark.
Tired by the world.
A sense of
despair
and depletion.
We both are seeking
a shift of energy
and momentum.
We both yearn for that feeling of the sun
breaking through the clouds.
We want to feel energized,
optimistic,
hopeful,
and have
a sense of momentum.
Right? Doesn't that sound AMAZING?
A sense of friggin Momentum
with a capital M.
And energy that keeps building
on itself.
None of this go forward, go backward, go forward, go fucking backward again.
I'm tired of the slide.
And, we want to create a sound experience
that embodies and matches this desire.
We will find it in the Sun Gong?
I don’t know.
But, we will keep trying.
Trying to find a way to shift the apathetic pull.
It may not be the Summer Solstice Sound Bath.
It may need to be more scheduled exercise.
It may need to be making a list and completing a few small chores or eating right.
We've heard it a thousands times,
all the ways to get out of a funk.
But, knowing it and doing it
is where the gap is.
Manipura requires
inspiration,
something to get us excited.
To start the journey back up the hill.
For me, right now, on this very cloudy, cold day
my inspiration
is you.
If I can make a Summer Sound Bath
that feels like a ray of sunshine,
maybe one day when you are feeling overcast and gray
by the state of world
you can listen
and perhaps
feel a shift.
Thank you for reading this.
I feel much better having written it.
xo
Melissa
Image by: unable to find artist credit 😢 if you know who created this, please email me