Slaying the Apathy Dragon 🐉

Updated: Jun 1


What a week.

What a month.

What a year(s).

Like most of you I am in a state of shock and frustration

over a great many things. Roe v Wade, Shootings, all of it.

Today, I had to get brutally honest with myself.

I was thinking hard about where I am at

and realized I have been

slowly coasting

downward

for the past few years.

It started as a slight decline.

Something small and not noteworthy.

But, now that I am at the bottom,

staring upwards,

I can see that,

over time,

it has steadily

brought me

deeper and deeper.


Further and further away.

This thing that has

slowly pulled me downward,

had a name.

It is a word.

A feeling.

An energy.

It was…

apathy.

At first I thought I was

just being chill.

Relaxed.

Uruguayan (My dad is Uruguayan. We love to chill).

It was something that started out small

but then

over the course of covid,

seemed to incrementally increase.

Sneakily.

Steathily.

What is the energy of

apathy?

It is defined as lack of interest or concern: INDIFFERENCE

Apathy is different from chill.

It is different from intentional relaxation.

There is a numbness to it.

A feeling of helplessness and despair.

It sucks away our energy

and

our momentum.

Last night, Jason and I tried to record a

Summer Solstice Sound Bath

for our new three month seasonal pass on the membership.

We were super pumped to kick start this new offering

where folks can just sign up for a season of sound healing,

just three months rather than a subscription.

We meditated on Manipura,

the third chakra,

ruled by the sun.

Manipura translates

to city of jewels.

When Manipura is in balance,

it gives us confidence,

momentum, energy, inspiration,

everything we need to

live out a high vibe, aligned, authentic life.

When the city of jewels,

is hit by the light of the sun,

it shines without effort.

It radiates.

Passively.

That was the word we focused on,

radiance.

An image of sun rays came to mind,

the kind you see through slots of old wood

like an old barn.


That moment when the dust specks

float together

in a stream of golden

to create something magical.

Then we recorded.

It was not what we expected.

Didn't feel right. It was too pushy. Too angry.

We tried again.

Still too intense.

We tried a third time with different gongs.

Still not right.

If we didn't give a flying turd,

we would just pump it into the library.


Right?

It would be easy to do. Who would know?


But, this is a healing platform.

Period.


Which means the intention and sound must match.


This high standard means

hours and hours of recording

never make it into the platform.

If what I play doesn’t connect with the intention,

unlike a live show,

we have the ability to try again,

so we do.

We realized today,

that something was blocking the sun.

Literally.


We could not get the Sun Gong to play.


We left the recording session

feeling irritated

and grumpy.


This morning, we woke up and realized

what the block was...


both of us

have been feeling

a sense of apathy.

Our energy has

been

collapsing.


We thought we were just being chill,

but we were both

actually feeling

mildly depressed.

And this apathy and low level depression

led to an overcast sort of atmosphere.

Both of us are feeling cloudy and dark.

Tired by the world.


A sense of

despair

and depletion.

We both are seeking

a shift of energy

and momentum.

We both yearn for that feeling of the sun

breaking through the clouds.


We want to feel energized,

optimistic,

hopeful,

and have

a sense of momentum.

Right? Doesn't that sound AMAZING?


A sense of friggin Momentum

with a capital M.

And energy that keeps building

on itself.


None of this go forward, go backward, go forward, go fucking backward again.


I'm tired of the slide.


And, we want to create a sound experience

that embodies and matches this desire.

We will find it in the Sun Gong?

I don’t know.

But, we will keep trying.

Trying to find a way to shift the apathetic pull.

It may not be the Summer Solstice Sound Bath.

It may need to be more scheduled exercise.

It may need to be making a list and completing a few small chores or eating right.

We've heard it a thousands times,

all the ways to get out of a funk.

But, knowing it and doing it

is where the gap is.

Manipura requires

inspiration,

something to get us excited.


To start the journey back up the hill.


For me, right now, on this very cloudy, cold day

my inspiration

is you.

If I can make a Summer Sound Bath

that feels like a ray of sunshine,

maybe one day when you are feeling overcast and gray

by the state of world

you can listen

and perhaps

feel a shift.

Thank you for reading this.

I feel much better having written it.


xo

Melissa


Image by: unable to find artist credit 😢 if you know who created this, please email me


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