This cancer season is much more private,
more intuitive and softer than last year.
With less planetary interactions,
this week has a very open feeling to it.
Tonights new moon gives us a
pause moment
to acknowledge
how far you have come,
how much
healing work you
have done to
overcome and
break free of family patterns.
Many of us are pattern breakers.
We see the pattern of behaviors, suppression,
repression, denial, or avoidance in our family dynamics
and vow that we will not pass this down
to our community, our friends, our family.
We are here to do something different.
If that is you, it is time to
celebrate breaking free
from something that
has likely
persisted in
your family line
for a very long time.
Traditions. Habits. Expectations. Responsibilities.
Things are permanently shifting
and elevating.
Many of us have learned
how to be our own
emotional
refuge.
As adults, we have
developed a sense of emotional leadership
inside of ourselves
that knows what we need and why we need it.
This doesn't mean hardening or becoming cold.
Cancer wants us to learn the art
of holding our own emotions
as real, alive, fluid energy
that we can share authentically
with other humans
of our choosing.
As the first cardinal water sign on the astrology wheel of time,
water is fluid,
it moves by design.
Emotions are designed to be in motion,
in movement,
to be catalyzed, felt and moved through.
They aren't designed to be static.
We aren't made to be in ecstatic joy
all day every day
or leading a best life.
Living is complicated.
Humanity is suffering.
A lot of things suck and may get worse.
Cancer helps us to find healthy ways to process and move through feelings.
Create healthy emotional outlets.
If you acknowledge, see, and move into it,
there are no barriers to
all the parts of yourself.
Given the softness of this cancer season,
perhaps it is time to celebrate
how far you've come.
Where did you start your emotional journey?
Who were your primary models and what did they teach you?
I like to say, everything I learned from my family
I had to unlearn as an adult.
My family didn't hug, say I love you or I'm sorry.
We never spoke of our emotions or resolved conflict.
We avoided. Repressed. And moved on in silence.
I remember going over to a friends house one morning
for breakfast.
I was fourteen.
My friends family surrounded the table, there was freshly cooked breakfast
piping steam swirls and coffee.
People were moving and eating,
heading out on their day.
Giving little kisses on the head
and saying I love you's as they passed by.
It was just a regular old morning.
No different from any other day
for this household.
But, I was STRUCK.
Stunned.
Omg is THIS how it could be?
Like I dipped into another dimension,
another reality of what life could be like.
People just say I love you and give kisses?
Is this shit for real?
Are these people the Cleavers? What the hell.
I felt awful watching it all.
Uncomfortable, awkward, even afraid.
UGH. Please don't try and kiss my head.
Do I have to say I love you?
I CANNOT do that!
I was freaking out.
But, another part of me felt
something familiar
go off in my brain.
It was this weird kind of tingling,
primal.
A sense of tribal longing,
oh yess…..
this is how it could be
and
something woke up inside of me and was purring.
As much as
I hate the idea of it
I love the idea of it.
That was the moment I became a pattern breaker.
I saw something enticing and different
from what I knew and it woke up a part of me
that wanted more.
I wanted to be able to casually be affectionate,
say I love you without hesitations.
I felt a sense of belonging
and wanted more.
So, I learned.
It was awful.
Sometimes when I hugged people,
I just wanted to crawl
out of my skin.
It was excruciating.
I am pretty sure I didn't say I love you to my first partner for at least 3 years.
That was my starting line.
The beginning.
Tonight, on this chill Cancer New Moon
I will
pause
remember
listen to this sound bath
and honor that starting line.
I will look back at that
determined, bewildered,
afraid fourteen year old
and remember
the great distance
she has traveled
to get to
here.
PS- I created a digital sound bath with the energetic signature of a lighthouse. It starts out very low and melancholy but then lifts into a beautiful harmon. Listen to the Lighthouse Sound Bath by joining our Membership, Sign Up HERE!
Image by Trash Riot